The Eve of ETV Surgery

Anxiety is weird. Depression sucks. The combination can be unbearable.
My heart has literally not stopped racing since Monday. I break down & cry over the most trivial things. Yesterday I cried because Ford will lose a few curls when they shave his head for surgery… like get a grip Caitlin! I am in a constant state of panic. Will he be ok? Will he still be my perfect, happy baby? Will the surgery work?
The overwhelming anxiety tells me to create ALL the lists so I don’t forget anything. And makes me add the silliest things to my list. For instance, tonight I detailed my car because Ford needs a clean car to go to & from the hospital in. 🤦🏻‍♀️ And the gut wrenching depression manifests in my mind coming up with the most awful, worst case scenarios.
I’m not telling you this for pity. I’m telling you this because this is my reality and that’s ok. I am constantly told to be strong for my baby and guess what? I AM DAMN STRONG! But even the strongest of people have weak moments. Tomorrow is a big day for my baby and it’s ok for me to have big emotions. ❤️